I loved five women before you.
Who. What. When. Where. Why.
Who I loved, was a girl from college. I wasn’t exactly close to her but with some superficial facts and a few interaction over semester; you know, like most guys fantasizing about a girl they barely know, I filled in the blanks like a fairytale author. And who she became in my head was probably more than the reality. She was a third year sorority girl. And I was the infatuated freshman, sure, but the several times we got to spend together outside of class also allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit. The only problem was? So did just about any other guy. And while she turned me down nicely, I swear, there were times when it seemed like the cliche sorority girl may have felt something for the typical, awkward, freshman.
What I loved, was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend. we met early in college and kept in touch with the year after. We saw each other grow, and change. And through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go, she was also there for every girlfriend… and break-up of mine. Personality, humor, taste, it was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. The only thing that wasn’t perfect, was our timing. We were never single at the same time and what we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we were with. This is something we eventually have to face and accept. And we had to leave behind what we had.
When I loved, was my first girlfriend in highschool. It’s a bit unfair because she embodies the combination of both love and youth. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace or replicate. Because we can only be that age once. High school was the time of innocence, discovery and adventure. We shared these three elements together and things like, our first kiss, late night sneaking out, and mad-named movies. All of which now have become a nostalgic love. Preserved in a time that neither of us can touch, but know it’s there. Even though we were just kids, there’s not a doubt in my mind that when we were there, we were in love.
Where I loved, was the girl I met in Los Angeles. I never intend to stay there that long. It was just a six-month internship after graduating, but it all changed when I met her. Soon a year had passed and somehow another year after that. I couldn’t leave the city. I couldn’t leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own, or prove something to everyone back at home, but she helped me accomplish it over there. With a relationship reflective of the city we were in. A new energy and new experiences that really push me to mature more than anyone. Or anywhere else. When people ask what city I love the most, I say, L.A. The city where I loved the most.
Why I loved, was a close friend of mine who passed away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death wasn’t what saddened her the most. But the fact that she never really felt like she had fallen in love. She wouldn’t get to have those emotions, good and bad. Of being hurt, and of being held. After she passed, those words stuck with me the most. Teaching me to see that, one of the greatest gifts we have of being alive was the ability to give, receive, and even lose love. There are so many like her, whose lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives. She made me understand why. Why waste our life… not loving?
You are the sixth. You are none of them. Because you are all of them.
You are who I love. The girl on the pedestal. The fantasy. The make-believe things that are actually true. You are what I love. The depth, the inside jokes. The bestfriend. You are when I love. A new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about. You are where I love. Because I’d go anywhere just to be with you. You are why I love. Because before you, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we found each other, You’ve given my past, and future, meaning.
You are the sixth. You are the last.